Mom Gets Annoying Ads Off Her Chest
Sunday, November 9, 2008

It’s been awhile since I’ve spouted off about advertisements and such, so please bear with me while I get some things off my chest!

As most of you know, I live in rural South Dakota where entertaining radio shows are in short supply. I drive many miles, six days a week and usually rely on audio books for my entertainment, but occasionally switch on the radio for a change of pace. There is a local station that is just horrible, playing the absolute WORST in country music, but it always comes in nice and clear and has a daily call in show that can be funny, profitable, and irritating all at the same time.

The show is called “The Farmer’s Market” and I think its original intention was to give farmers a chance to advertise, free of charge, their tractors, equipment, livestock and such. Over time though, it has digressed into a free for all. Anyone and everyone can call in and buy, sell, trade or give away their items.

The host of the show is Jim Aesoph who considers himself to be a celebrity of sorts in the area. Anyway, the calls begin at 10AM sharp and if you listen you’ll hear from a couple of regulars who offer their same, exact crap day after day after day. Obviously, nobody wants it or they would have sold it long ago. An example is one guy who calls in relentlessly trying to sell radio control airplanes. I recognize his voice, I have memorized his phone number and I also know that he is looking for nerf bars for his Ford F150 pickup. It’s gotten so bad that I feel tempted to go out and buy him those GD nerf bars and buy the GD radio control airplanes. In his defense, he does speak clearly.

Unlike our next example who calls in and mumbles his ad daily. “I got those cars, trucks, pickups, 14th scale, 18th scale…country western records, suitcase stereo…” the same items, week after week after week. Don’t you think he’d get tired of calling? Wouldn’t anyone else be embarrassed to have the whole listening audience know that your items were so unwanted?

So why do I listen if it’s so irritating? Because every once in a while there is a new caller who actually has something valuable at a good price. Dick has bought several vehicles thanks to the Farmer’s Market.

Here’s one of my biggest pet peeves about the show, though. Imagine this phone call…”Hi Jim?” “I have a 1998 Chevy Malibu for sale?” It’s blue and has 55,000 miles on it?” “We would like $4500 for it?” Each statement is spoken to sound like a question. Attention people…you are not asking a question…you are stating a fact…don’t go up in pitch on the last bit of each sentence. PLEASE…it is driving me nuts.

Also, here is another BIG gripe. Jim, the host, is kind of a humorous guy. When this one, particular woman with a distinctive voice calls in with an ad he’ll say “We were just talking about you!” facetiously of course, to which she’ll reply, “You was?” I want to jump through the radio and right into that woman’s living room and shout in her face…”No….it isn’t “YOU WAS?” It’s “You were?” Why doesn’t she hear herself? Why doesn’t someone correct this woman? It must grate on more nerves than just my own!

OK…I’ve picked on the Farmer’s Market enough…now on to my next local radio show. This one is held each morning at 9 AM on an AM station and I can’t believe that I am about to admit that I listen to it…this show has been on for many years, I remember making fun of it when I was in high school and now I occasionally listen to it. It is a call in show that let’s people talk about any subject that may be on their minds. The show’s host has to be totally non-biased and can’t get worked up like some talk shows do.

The show is called “What’s Up?” and the whole premise is that locals call in and the host says” What’s up?” and the caller will talk about the weather, or maybe about how they lost their dog in the snowstorm and could someone call if they find it, or maybe they are looking for a recipe. Usually it’s pretty lame, but occasionally the subject is interesting and I did listen quite a bit while the election was nearing. There were a lot of irate callers on both sides and it was fun to hear them getting all riled up.

The biggest downfall to this show is its sponsors. Every two minutes, I swear, they have to cut the caller off to go to a sponsor who usually speaks live. BORING!!! Just how much can you say about vacuum cleaners, or hearing aids? The one that really gets me though, is by an insurance agent. The first ad he made was so bad that I felt kind of sorry for him. His voice was quavering badly and he sounded like the most boring person ever created. “I would like to talk with you about your Medicare insurance…(voice shaking uncontrollably)…we offer a wide spectrum (at this word he tries unsuccessfully to inflect some interest and squeaks the word out) of policies.” He even must have been embarrassed by how badly it sounded as he soon made another commercial. This one was a tad bit better, he sounded just a bit more confident. Sheer agony listening to this poor chap. I wondered if very many people took down his phone number and wanted to visit with him about his insurance after those dreadful ads. His dull, lifeless voice would have put most people to sleep before he could sell anything.

But now, I’ve saved the best for last. For weeks I have been complaining about a certain commercial that runs on major networks, most prominently on Sundays during the football games. It doesn’t just run once, it plays over and over, like every other commercial. If you haven’t guessed what it is yet, I’ll tell you. It is the Toyota ad with the song “Saved by Zero”. I HATE THIS COMMERCIAL!! The song sucks. It sticks in my head long after the ad is over and it totally sucks!!!

I mentioned it a time or two to Dick who told me not to listen to it then. Oh, that’s easier said than done. I would flip the channel the second that crappy song came on and felt like writing a nasty letter to the company.

The most beautiful thing happened a couple of days ago. I was listening to Paul Harvey and it seems that I was not alone in my hatred for this commercial. So many people have complained about it that it will be pulled after this Sunday!! YES!! I have been vindicated. It turns out that there are blogs, websites, message boards and more based solely on people’s hatred of this commercial! I’m not crazy…I’m the norm! YAY!! Now, I have to get a campaign going to get rid of the annoying car ad that features a David Bowie song sung by a creepy woman…it’s called Space Odyssey and is nearly as bad as “Saved by Zero”…the song makes me literally nauseous. Check it out on You Tube to see what I mean.

Well, there…I feel so much better now. If I can just make it through the football games tomorrow and the final strains of “Saved by Zero” I’ll be fine.