RyanGlanzer.com

The Daily Log: #342

Friday, February 15, 2008

"Another Attempt at Weight Loss"

I am once again on my yearly, no, make that tri-monthly quest…to get in shape and lose a bunch of excess weight. My family must be totally sick of hearing me repeat this mantra again and again…”I’ve just GOT to lose some weight!” I am usually inspired, as are many, by the approach of a new year. I eat so much candy and baked goods during the Christmas holiday that it actually doesn’t even sound that good to me anymore. I vow to myself that this year will be different! No more excuses! I set goals for myself to achieve along with a timeline and begin my extreme body makeover with gusto! One of my big ideas is to get up before getting ready for work and getting my workout over and done with for the day. If you’ve ever done any research on diet and exercise, you know that the body starts burning calories after 20 minutes of aerobic exercise and the burning continues even after you’ve finished. The morning hours are by far the best for that reason and also because you have it out of the way and have no excuses later in the day. Sounds great! Nobody else is up at that hour, nobody watching my fat heave up and down as I bounce and jump along with the instructor on one of my 25 videos. How nice to be finished exercising, take a shower, eat breakfast and still have all afternoon for my other daily chores! The only real hitch in this plan is that, to fit in an entire hour of exercise means that I must be out of bed, dressed and ready to begin at 4:30…yes, AM!! My alarm will go off at 4:15, I pull myself out of bed and dazedly dress and prepare. It is true that I feel pretty invigorated when I’m finished, but by 9:00 AM I’m ready for a long nap! This big idea usually fizzles out after one week. After that, I try to fit in some sweat time in the afternoon. But this has its downside, too. For one thing, I have thirty other things I need to accomplish when I get home from work, such as Ebay listings, laundry, housework, gabbing on the phone and other essential tasks. Stopping in the middle of the day to get all sweaty is a pain, especially if I have to go somewhere later on. I end up all smelly and my hair is plastered to my head. The next problem is the telephone. I swear I have never started a workout without someone calling me. That requires me to push pause, race to find the phone, try to pretend that I’m not out of breath when answering, and then feel motivated enough to go back to the exercising when the call is done. This quest to lose weight has gone on for years and years with pretty much the same results every time. I poop out. I don’t see immediate results and give up. My heels begin to hurt (I think it’s called plantar fascia) which feels like someone beat the bottoms of my heels repeatedly with a sledge hammer and then forced me to walk 25 miles. Quite painful…I get busy with a project and miss a few days, then figure “why even bother?” and give up until the next time. When I go to zip up my favorite jeans and they fail to shut, I go back to that familiar chant…”I’ve just GOT to lose some weight!”

All of this leads me back to my latest weight loss vow…with Alex’s wedding date approaching this spring, getting in shape far ahead of that occasion seemed to be the greatest idea ever! I even came up with a challenge for everyone in my family…the person who lost 25 pounds by May 31^st would be declared “The Biggest Loser” and instead of the $250,000 grand prize that is given away on TV, I would hand out $250 to that lucky person. Dick wondered where that money was going to come from and I told him not to worry, since I was bound to win, the money could just stay in our checking account. Anyone directly related to me was eligible except for the following…Jordan (since she’s pregnant), Mom (since she only weighs 90 pounds to start with) and Ann (for the same reason as Mom, she’d disappear if she lost 25 pounds). Anyone else was welcome to join the challenge. I didn’t get the overwhelming response I had hoped for. Actually, all I really got out of Ryan and Alex is that they didn’t say they WOULDN’T do it…Calvin said he’d join in, but so far I don’t see anyone getting too serious about it. And I have to watch out for cheaters. Ryan tried lying to me and said he weighed “X” amount, which was really 25 pounds heavier than he really is, just to make me think he’d lost that weight. This was back in November when the wedding was 6 months off. I reasoned that if I could lose 4 pounds per month (a cinch!) I would be at my goal by the wedding. I started out all gung-ho, counting calories and doing my early morning workouts. About 2 days later, the calorie counting was down the drain and the workouts weren’t quite as inspiring. I was visiting with Jordan and she told me that Calvin was begging and begging for her to allow him to buy a recumbent exercise bike. He swore that he’d use it daily and finally she made a deal with him. If he’d allow her to be the sole decider of their baby-to be’s name, he could get the bike. Her biggest gripe with this bike is that their apartment is stuffed to the gills as it is and they don’t have room for the bike, but in the interest of sparing their newest family member the horror of being named Octavian Augustus, she gave in. The first day of pedaling was a success! Calvin proudly boasted of riding 14 miles! He was on his way to physical fitness! However, the same day that the bike was purchased, little Emerson decided to climb up and inspect the electronic panel and tore it completely off the bike, which hasn’t been ridden since. It sits clumsily blocking the closet in their bedroom, tripping Jordan as she tries to maneuver around it and basically taking up valuable space.

Well, now it is nearly the end of February and I’m still at the same weight as I was back in November! Yikes!! I did a “Calvin”…I splurged and ordered a treadmill that has a wide track, electronic workouts built in, a fan, and all that stuff. It arrived 2 weeks ago and I have been using nearly every day. The problem is, my heels are rebelling! They do NOT want to have my excessive weight pounding down on them for an hour at a time. I have begun to walk like I’m 92 years old, at least until my tendons get loosened up. I may have to look into getting some new shoes with better cushioning, but I don’t dare stop using that treadmill or I’ll never hear the end of it! Peyton sure had fun with it this weekend when she was visiting. If I could run on it the way she did, I’d lose that 25 pounds in no time! She would step on the track and speed that thing up until she was in a full out run and kick her heels up, sprinting along with practically no effort! Even Emmy tried to get in on the act. Peyton and I had left the room to find our shoes, and unbeknownst to us, Emerson came into the room, climbed up on the treadmill and somehow managed to get it started! She was hanging on for dear life, her little legs churning as quickly as they could, saying “Help me! Help me!!” I raced in and grabbed her before she could get hurt, but she was done with that crazy contraption! Lucky for me, she couldn’t reach the electronic control panel!

Now, it’s down to three months before the big day and I’ve still got a lot of “junk in my trunk” not to mention all the other areas of my body…time is running out and I had better start getting serious about this challenge. It would be just like one of my kids to actually get ambitious and beat me at my own game. Or to have someone like my brother, Stuart, come out of left field and try to capture the grand prize. I guess that means that I had better quit sitting in this chair, typing, (which, by the way, burns only .2 calories per hour) and get on that expensive treadmill and start walking, or maybe running, and find my little calorie counter book. (Either that or I’ll cheat like Ryan and swear that I really did weigh 200 pounds to start with! That option is looking better all the time!