Marcie "Mom" Glanzer's Column
Tuesday, November 22, 2005
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11.22.05
As with anyone, there are some things that I despise…and I
thought that this was the perfect time to write about them, since the year is
coming to an end and because I can’t think of anything else to write about.
I will try to come up with a top 10 list; similar to what Ryan enjoys doing.
10. Mending clothes…this is such a pain in the butt. Usually what needs to be
mended is a pair of Dick’s work jeans in which he has ripped out the crotch.
I’ve often wondered how he does this, but I think the answer is simple. When he
climbs up into the tractor he stretches his leg up and the crotch is strained.
After several months of this, it rips. Anyway, if you have ever tried to stitch
a crotch, you know it isn’t easy. The material is really thick right there, and
it is awkward to bunch all that material up under the needle. I do, however,
enjoy sewing when I’m actually making something, not just mending.
9. Bookwork…this includes figuring out our 2 checkbooks and making them balance,
then entering all this info on the computer, then taking our bank statement and
making that balance with the computer. It wouldn’t be such a tough deal, but I
tend to procrastinate and wait 2 months between doing the job, which makes it
really tough. Add to that a husband who wants everything broken down into
specific categories so when tax time rolls around it is simplified. Also, he
won’t rest if the checkbooks are off by even a penny, I have to keep adding,
subtracting etc…until I find the mistake. He writes “mfu” in the space where the
mistake was found. The “M” stands for Marcie’s, the “U” stands for Up and you
can figure out what the “F” stands for!
8. Tax Time…Going right along with bookwork is this other drudgery known as
getting our taxes done. I don’t even have that much to do with it…Dick does most
of the preparation which has been simplified by my brilliant book working skills
(see above). But there is something depressing about it. Sunday afternoons are
spent watching him pore over receipts, tapping out figures on a calculator,
scratching his head, swearing and on and on. He is always owly during this
process and doesn’t smile much…I’m always glad when that chore is done.
7. Taking down Christmas decorations…this is a timely gripe as it is nearly that
time of year again. I don’t really care too much for putting decorations up
either, but at least it is kind of a festive time with anticipation over the
holiday fun ahead. But taking down the decorations is downright depressing.
First of all, you may have some help putting the tree up and hanging stockings
etc…but you won’t find anyone around when it comes time to dismantle the whole
mess. If I have a real tree there are dead needles laying all over the place, I
invariably trip over the stand of putrid tree water and spill it on the carpet.
None of the bulbs fits back in their boxes like they did when new, lights are
tangled…you get the picture. Then the whole house needs to be vacuumed, dusted
and all. Well, it’s just a lot of work.
6. Grocery shopping…this gripe has 3 separate categories, but I have grouped
them into one for the sake of squeezing in more things I despise. I don’t care
to go grocery shopping since I don’t care to cook. I like to eat, but I have
never cared for cooking. Plus, after all these years, I can’t think of anything
new to make, so I buy the same old things over and over. Then they are so
expensive that it ruins any fun there may have been. Now, the 2nd part to this
one is carrying all those groceries into the house. We do not have an attached
garage, so we battle the elements of Mother Nature when hauling groceries
inside. If you are from SD you know what I am talking about. Either it is 100
degrees and windy and you try to keep the door from springing off it’s hinges
and shooing flies out, or it’s -10 degrees and the wind is howling and you try
to keep the door from springing off it’s hinges. Add to that, 2 dogs who are
thrilled to see me coming home with goodies prancing at my feet. Now, for the
3rd part…putting the groceries away. It seems that even though there was nothing
to eat before I left home, the refrigerator is still crammed full of stuff. When
I look for something to prepare for a meal there is nothing to make, yet it is
full. There are bottles of salad dressing, ketchup, mustard, half a meatloaf
nobody wanted when it was fresh, let alone now; stale pop, foil covered
who-knows-what, and no room for the new food. The same goes for the cupboards.
What once appeared bare, now has no room for new cereal boxes or juice bottles.
You can see that from which my angst stems.
5. Going to the dentist…I really should be so used to doing this that I just
assume it’s a monthly thing. I have crappy teeth. I blame it on bad dental
habits as a child and possibly poor dental care at a young age. When I was young
I had quite a few fillings in my teeth and over the years, those old fillings
have broken, cracked etc…add to that some root canals, crowns, broken teeth and
I have helped my dentist’s bank account grow sizably. Nothing is as aggravating
as eating a marshmallow and breaking a tooth. Or chewing some cereal and
breaking a tooth. Or…well, you get the picture. I have few teeth in my mouth
that haven’t had some work done on them. Recently I had trouble with a tooth
that is fairly close to the front. It had a crown on it and was causing me some
pain. After much money spent, it was determined that the root was broken and the
tooth had to be pulled. Now I am gallivanting around with a hole in my face. I
will be spending upwards of $3000 to have an implant in January.
4. Cleaning the bathtub…Why, you may ask, is this such a bad thing? Normally, it
wouldn’t be, but in our house, the drains don’t go down very fast. If you take a
bath then get out and flip the drain, you could go back in an hour and the water
may have gone down most of the way. For this reason, residue doesn’t go down
either. Now add to this the fact that 2 people in my family who shall remain
nameless, have more hair on their bodies than Rapunzel had on her head. When
they come out of the shower, their hair is all over the tub. Of course they
don’t care, so they waltz off to go about their business, but it’s me who gets
the honor of cleaning this every time. I can’t take a bath in a tub where there
is hair floating around, so I spend 10 minutes cleaning the drain and tub before
I get in. When I get out, I clean the tub for the next guy, but then it’s back
to the same old thing next time. I swear; they should both be totally hairless
after a shower with all that’s left behind, but it just keeps growing back!
3. This brings me to the final three which are all closely related. I HATE
winter weather!!!!!!!! My top three most despised things are all attacking me
right now! #3 is the dreaded blizzard/ice storm which many of us just lived
through. It delays the mail, caused power outages which in our case lasted
nearly a week, downed our internet (which isn’t good when doing business on Ebay).
Plans have to be changed when Jay Trobec gets on the TV and warns of a possible
storm which may or may not hit the area, or the I-90 corridor as he is so fond
of saying. Travel is severely hampered and cabin fever can set in. Alex was so
sick of being cooped up with his parents that he nearly turned into Jack
Nicholson from “The Shining”.
2. #2 is due to the aftermath of the storm mentioned above. It is driving on icy
and snow packed roads. I am a worrisome person and dread traversing roads that
are covered in a sheet of ice. Unfortunately, my job does not care if I want to
drive on ice or not, I have to. I approach mailboxes with extreme care, making
sure to apply light pressure to the brakes to avoid sliding into one. Also,
getting so close to the edge of the road can cause the vehicle to slide into the
ditch. It’s not only dangerous, but really embarrassing to get into one of these
predicaments. I recall the winter of ’97…there was so much snow that year that
there were virtual tunnels in the road and if you met someone, one of you had to
back up. It was during Christmas break of this winter that Ryan agreed to go
with me, (don’t report me, I’m not supposed to have a passenger), and the roads
were very slick. The wind was blowing and visibility was poor. We approached a
mailbox and when I attempted to pull away, the back end of the pickup slid into
the mailbox. Ryan got out and tried to pull the box away from the pickup and
told me to go, it was fine. SCREEEEECCCHHHH…we left a dandy of a scrape all
along the pickup box. Dick was not a happy camper!
1. Drum roll, please….the number one thing that I despise in the whole entire
world (at least this week) is getting into a cold vehicle in cold weather. I
hate it! My whole body hurts as it shakes and shivers to keep warm. I can’t get
warm for a long time after that, and if I had to live in Siberia I would commit
suicide. I HATE cold cars.
Well, that about sums it up. I don’t know if anyone agrees with my list but if
you do, let me know on Ryan’s discussion board. After I send this to Ryan, I’m
sure I’ll come up with other things I despise, but that can wait for another
column. Until then, don’t bring me your ripped crotches to mend, anything hard
that may break what teeth I still have, and be sure to have the car warmed up
before we go out to buy groceries!