Marcie "Mom" Glanzer's Column
Friday, July 21, 2006
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07.21.06
Anyone who knows me, knows that I am no cook. I love to
eat, but I hate preparing the food, so as a result, I don’t put a lot of effort
into cooking. My idea of a good meal is a bowl of cereal and toast. In spite
of this, I enjoy watching the cooking shows on the Food Network. It is fun to
see how easy a professional can make cooking seem. Usually after watching a
cooking show, I am hungrier than ever and sometimes even attempt to make a
homemade meal, but it never turns out as good as those on TV appear to be.
I usually tune in to a few select shows, among those “30 Minute Meals” with
Rachel Ray. She has become quite popular lately and has spawned another show
where she travels around eating at restaurants for a mere $40 a day, hence the
name of the show “$40 a Day”! There are a few things about Rachel that bother
me, and rather than keep them to myself, I decided to vent and share them here
with you. For starters…acronyms. We’ve all heard of acronyms such as SCUBA
which stands for self contained underwater breathing apparatus. Saying “scuba”
is so much simpler and everyone knows what you’re talking about and that’s the
beauty of an acronym. So when 30 minute meals is on, it drives me batty when
Rachel Ray says, “Add just a dash of EVOO, extra virgin olive oil to your pan.”
A few minutes later, she will be mixing up some dressing and says, “About ¼ cup
of EVOO, extra virgin olive oil, should do.” A few minutes later, “you could
use either corn oil or EVOO, extra virgin olive oil in this recipe”. What is
the use of having an acronym if you’re going to explain the meaning each
time???? Isn’t the point in saying EVOO to save time? If she’s going to tell
the whole thing each time, then scrap the acronym. Can you imagine Jacques
Cousteau saying, “Before diving, check out your scuba gear, that’s self
contained underwater breathing apparatus.” A few minutes later, he’d say
something like, “your scuba gear, self contained underwater breathing apparatus,
should be carefully checked out by a professional”. Really irritating and
unnecessary. Then, have you ever seen her scrambling around that kitchen to get
this whole meal prepared in 30 minutes? She is chopping, stirring, scampering
around and such like a crazy woman. She usually has her vegetables washed and
ready to go, and still has to hurry like crazy. Can you imagine trying to
duplicate that same meal with 2 or 3 kids underfoot, the phone ringing, cat
puking etc…I’d like to see Rachel try that! OK, now on to her other show, $40 a
day. The premise here is that you can travel the globe and still enjoy fine
cuisine without breaking the bank. For only $40 a day, Rachel eats 3 meals, has
a snack and usually a drink. OK…the trouble here is how many people travel
alone? Most families are going to have a couple of kids and two adults. At $40
each that’s $160 a day for food! That could buy a week’s worth of
groceries…that’s no bargain. Sure, all by herself, Rachel can afford to eat
like a queen. It is unrealistic. Also, she goes into a place and orders
something off the menu that sounds so weird, it would be the last possible thing
I’d try. There will be a nice Mexican restaurant and they’ll have things that
sound good, but she will find sautéed frogs intestines with goat cheese and
brussel sprouts. Wow!! That sounds great! She orders it and sips on something
like avocado tea, then when they bring out the frog intestines, she’ll take a
big bite and get this look of utter bliss on her face, then shake her head as if
to say, “This is unreal…it’s soooooo gooooood!!” There has never been a
negative reaction to any of the dishes she has tried. Always a positive
comment…”the oregano is so fresh and it’s got just the right amount of
crispiness! YUMMMO!!” Then she grabs for the avocado tea and takes a big gulp,
so you can’t be sure that she really liked it that much, or is trying to wash it
down before puking. Alright, enough is enough…I’ll leave poor Rachel alone.
Another show I’ll occasionally watch, but really don’t care for is Emeril. He
always seems to be kind of mad. He practically hollers out the instructions and
ingredients and then looks at the audience, seemingly daring them to speak. He
also has this towel slung over his shoulder, and I’ll watch him take it off as
if to wipe his hands, but then just slings it back over his shoulder without
doing anything with it. I think it must just be a prop for when he is nervous
and doesn’t know what to do with his hands. But by far, the thing about this
show that frosts my butt is the audience. They are sitting there acting like
they are in the presence of the Pope, ooohing and aaaahing when Emeril says he’s
going to add some paprika…”Ohhhh” they’ll gasp, their mouths fairly dripping
with drool over the thought of some paprika in the sauce. Then they burst out
laughing at any little thing Emeril says or does. It’s pathetic! Emeril will
be walking to the counter and will toss a bit of salt over his shoulder…the
place erupts with laughter. Next, he hums a little tune while grinding pepper
into the soup…actual guffaws!! You’d think he was the world’s greatest
comedian. I see nothing funny about any of it, and then I get mad and turn the
channel.
Another favorite of mine is Sandra Lee who has the show “Semi Homemade”…wherein
she uses lots of shortcuts to make her recipes. This is more on my level.
Sandra will use a cake mix and stir in some chocolate chips and call it
homemade. Easy and simple, plus she always has cocktails at the end of the show
that look so good! Then she has all her girlfriends over to enjoy the fruits of
her labor. I always feel a bit left out that I’m not in her circle of friends.
One complaint about Sandra is that she is so skinny. How can she be so thin and
make carmel apples, funnel cakes, and drink like a fish? Not fair.
But by far and away my favorite cooking show is “Paula’s Home Cooking” with
Paula Deen. Now this is my kind of cooking!!! Paula can’t cook without adding a
pound of butter and heavy cream. I remember on one show she commented that she
never like avocados until someone told her they were fattening, then she decided
to give them another try, if they’re full of fat they must be good. Her food
looks so good and it’s the kind of food people would actually want to eat. She
is a doctor’s worse nightmare, because if you ate half the things she cooked,
your arteries would be so clogged, you’d be dead in a week. However, she is so
natural during her show…she’ll stick her fingers in the bowl and lick them off,
she tosses her dogs food while she’s cooking, she’s not thin, she’s nice and
plump! And when she gets done making one of her ungodly fattening desserts, she
digs right in. Paula stuffs her mouth full and makes everything look so good.
A good example of one of her recent dishes is bread pudding made with Krispy
Kreme donuts. Can you imagine the fat content of one serving? Krispy Kremes
are round heart attacks on their own, but add in the other ingredients and you
have a coronary disaster. Here is the actual recipe:
2 dozen Krispy Kreme donuts
1 (14-ounce) can sweetened condensed milk (not evaporated)
2 (4.5-ounce) cans fruit cocktail (undrained)
2 eggs, beaten
1 (9-ounce) box
raisins
1 pinch salt
1 or 2 teaspoons
ground cinnamon
Butter Rum Sauce,
recipe follows
Preheat oven to 350 degrees F.
Cube donuts into
a large bowl. Pour other ingredients on top of donuts and let soak for a few
minutes. Mix all ingredients together until donuts have soaked up the liquid as
much as possible.
Bake for about 1 hour until center has jelled. Top with Butter Rum Sauce.
Butter Rum
Sauce:
1 stick butter
1 pound box confectioners' sugar
Rum, to taste
Melt
butter and slowly stir in confectioners' sugar. Add rum and heat until bubbly.
Pour over each serving of Krispy Kreme Bread Pudding.
Does this sound good or what? Good ol’ Paula…she’s got that southern accent and
sounds like someone I’d really like to be friends with. I recently watched her
and her new husband go on a trip to Europe and wistfully wished that Paula and I
were friends and that she had taken me with her instead of Michael. She stopped
at all the candy stores and bought fudge, and anything else that looked good.
My kind of gal! No snide comments on Paula, I like her too much to say anything
bad.
Well, that wraps up my review of the Food Network. If you haven’t seen these
shows before, I encourage you to check them out. See if I’m not right about all
of them. And be sure to catch an episode of Paula Deen’s …she rocks!! As Paula
would say, “Love and best dishes, from my kitchen to yours” (pronounced yers).
And if you are in the neighborhood, stop in for supper…I make a mean frozen
pizza!