Marcie "Mom" Glanzer's Column

Monday, April 3, 2006

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Marcie Glanzer's column is up for a Big in 2005 Award.

Everyday upon awakening to the static of the alarm clock, I do a quick inventory in my mind of what the day ahead holds in store for me. Usually that will include a shower, work, doing laundry…the same old thing. Occasionally, something pops up that is unexpected and so was the case on Thursday of last week. I got out of bed, took a shower, and checked my email…all the normal things, noticing nothing out of place. After returning home from the mail route did a few household chores, again checked my email and Ebay dealings. It wasn’t until Dick sat down at the computer to look up porn or whatever it is he does, that I noticed something odd. I was in the next room looking in and saw what I thought was crumbled up mud that someone had tracked in. It was right next to the computer desk and was all over the place. When I came a bit closer it became obvious to me that the “mud” was actually dog crap, dried, luckily. I then noticed that the wheels of the computer chair had been rolled repeatedly through this disgusting mess, and nobody had noticed. It must have been there since the middle of the night since the dog was outside, and was probably good and fresh when I first got up. I don’t know how many people had rolled the chair through this sh-t before I saw it. It was really ground in!

I went in the kitchen and got paper towels to pick up the non-squished turds, flushed them down the toilet then had to start cleaning the wheels of the chair. That’s when it hit me…this is one of those times I could honestly say that never in a million years had I dreamt that I would be scraping dried up dog sh-t off the wheels of a computer chair with a jackknife. I scraped and scraped and then had to get a disinfecting cleaner to finish up the job. My vacuum cleaner took care of the remaining crumbly pieces.

My other dog, Brandy, accompanied me on a 5 mile walk a few days ago when it was sort of nice for a few minutes. We headed north of our place and went 2 miles then over to a bridge where she enjoys taking a dip and chasing rocks that I throw in to her. On the way home, I noticed a gopher just standing still on the shoulder of the road, so I hollered at Brandy to get it, knowing that she never could catch it. But this stupid gopher panicked and just stood there, barely running at all. Brandy got him clamped in her jaws and proudly pranced over to show me her prize. The poor gopher was still alive and twitching around. Occasionally, Brandy would drop it, but would grab it again if it tried to move. She carried that stupid rodent all the way home, (it did die en route) and proudly displayed it on our front steps. I don’t blame the dog, though, since I did tell her to “sic em”, but why does she have to be so dumb about it? Can’t she just eat it and have it over with?

If you are a regular reader of my writing, you may recall that dogs rated quite high on my list of likes, but they may have just moved down a bit. These are the kinds of things that add a bit of spice to an otherwise dull existence. I did get quite a chuckle out of the dog turd incident when I thought about it. It makes me excited to see just what tomorrow may hold!

 

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