With 2006 coming to a close, I feel it is time to once again air
some of my musings on very inconsequential things. I will be doing
some real thinking after the New Year, and will be back with more
columns of interest, but for now, this will have to do…
Don’t you hate it when…
…your cell phone rings but all you can hear is static and the odd
word now and then?
…you need to make an important call from your cell phone, but get no
signal?
…you get a sort of decent signal, but it keeps cutting out and
nobody can get what you
are saying?
…you have a good signal but just as you begin talking, the battery
goes dead?
…when someone you hate talking to gets a perfect signal when calling
you and has a strong battery?
Don’t you hate it when…
…you’re driving along and a bird on the side of the road decides to
fly right out in front of you?
…a rabbit dashes madly across the road, zigzagging in front of your
tires, and finally dives directly in your path so the tires make a
sickening thump, thump over the body?
…when a bird flies into your windshield and gets stuck on the wiper,
so that when you turn them on to make it fall off, he goes back and
forth, back and forth, smearing bird guts all over the windshield?
…in the summer when insects are attracted to your headlights and fly
kamikaze style into the windshield, making it virtually impossible
to see through?
…when you’re riding with a male (any man or teenaged boy) and a
raccoon or squirrel or some other innocent mammal tries to flee from
your headlights and they purposely drive on two wheels in an attempt
to make sure it never again sees the light of day?
…when you have something you’re eating in the car (such as peanuts
or Dots) and it tips over, then when you get it picked up it always
has some fuzz or hair stuck to it which you discover only after
sticking it into your mouth?
…when the roads are slick, a male (again a man or teen) will “test”
the road conditions by flooring it or slamming on the brakes and
gets a thrill out of careening wildly towards the ditch?
…when foggy conditions always seem to land you behind the guy who
believes 45 MPH is fast on a clear day and now in the fog, goes only
21MPH and you don’t dare pass him?
…when you’re in a hurry and get to a railroad crossing just as the
train with 329 cars is beginning its slow crossing of the road and
you’re forced to wait?
Don’t you hate it when…
…you’re on the toilet and the phone rings and nobody else is there
to answer it?
…you’re on the toilet and the phone rings and someone answers it and
says you’re on the toilet?
…you’re on the toilet and out of paper and the only other roll is in
the other bathroom?
…you’re on the toilet and hear the dogs barking and think it has got
to be the Fed Ex truck bringing the package you’ve been waiting
weeks for and jump off, pulling your pants up as you run to the door
and find it’s only a car going by?
…you’re on the toilet and hear the dogs barking and ignore it and
here it WAS the Fed Ex truck bringing the package you’ve been
waiting weeks for, but he couldn’t leave it without a signature.
…you’re on the toilet and your grandchildren are visiting and you
forget to lock the door and they fling it wide open and everyone and
God can see you there with your pants down around your ankles?
…someone else is on the toilet which is located right next to the
dining room and they come out after a long respite just as dinner is
served and the ambience is therefore ruined?
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Don’t you hate it when…
…you go to the trouble of washing your clothes, but then forget them
in the dryer and they end up all wrinkled and crappy looking?
…you remember to take the clothes out of the dryer, but don’t get
around to putting them away, so they are in a big pile which gets
knocked over and some fall on the floor and eventually you have to
rewash them all again?
...you pull the lint filter out of the dryer and all the bits of
fuzz fly out all over your clean clothes?
…you think you’ve really got a handle on the laundry, then your son
comes home from college with his things that he imagines his mother
would love to wash, and your daughter comes home with her family’s
laundry because she didn’t feel like getting quarters and doing it
at home?
…people pull their socks off inside out and throw them into the
hamper and expect you to stick your hands into these disgusting
things to turn them right side out?
…people forget to empty their pockets and a Sharpie marker goes
through the washer and dryer along with your favorite pair of jeans?
…you have compassion for your large dog on a cold winter’s night and
allow her to sleep in the nice warm porch with the laundry only to
find that she has gnawed all the snaps off every pair of jeans that
she could sink her teeth into?
Don’t you hate it when…
…you have somewhere important to be and your hair looks like crap?
…you don’t have anywhere to go or anyone to see all day and your
hair turns out beautifully?
…you are running late for church so you grab that new pair of pants,
throw them on and hurry out the door oblivious to the fact that the
long size sticker is still on the back of the leg?
…when you are delivering mail and get out at someone’s house to get
a signature on a letter and don’t realize that a sticky note has
been stuck to the top of your head the whole time and that person
was too polite to mention it?
…you go to the dentist and have a large cavity filled and your lip
is so numb that you don’t realize your upper lip has been stuck way
up on one tooth the whole time you paraded around the grocery store?
…you are delivering mail on a windy day and you meet a semi who’s
air current knocks your light off the top of the car and you don’t
realize it, so you are driving around with the light stuck on a side
door, flashing for all the world to see like an idiot?
Don’t you hate it when…
…you start to say something, then forget what it was?
…you think of an actor but can’t come up with their name and you
rack your brain trying to come up with it and you try describing
them to someone who looks at you like you’re nuts and they can’t
figure out who you’re talking about and then when you finally do
think of it, there’s nobody around to share your glee?
…you see an actor on a show and you know that you should remember
them from another show, but again…you can’t come up with it and
people offer suggestions which aren’t even close and you wish they’d
shut up so you could think straight, but by then you really don’t
give a damn?
…you’re playing bingo and are within one number of winning and each
time someone else hits it first?
…you’re playing Candyland and your children cheat because they have
bent all the bad cards and know better than to pick them and stack
the deck so that you will get all the crappy ones?
…you’re playing Scrabble and the other players spell really short
words that just clog up the board making it impossible for you to
fit a decent sized word in anywhere?
…you’re playing Chutes and Ladders and your son, who is old enough
to know better, throws a fit when he lands on a slide and has to go
back to the beginning and throws the board across the room?
Don’t you hate it when…
…someone writes a column that doesn’t really say anything and keeps
going and going with it until you would like to pull your hair out
by the roots? |
